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Thread: Best Joke Ever

  1. #1
    Gunco Apostle konrue66's Avatar
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    Cool Best Joke Ever

    Best Joke Ever

    A man dies and went to heaven. As he stood in front

    of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall

    of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those

    clocks?"
    St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone

    on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Everytime you lie the

    hands on your clock will move."
    "Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?" "That's

    Mother Teresa's, The hands have never moved

    indicating that she never told a lie."
    "Incredible," said the man.
    "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands ahve

    moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies

    in his entire life."
    "Where's Obama's clock?"
    "His clock is in Jesus' office. He's usiing it as a

    ceiling fan."
    Gunco Member 2241
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  2. #2
    Gunco Member jimraynor21's Avatar
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    Linda Burnett , 23, a resident of San Diego , was visiting her in-laws and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head.

    One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she had been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour. The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head.

    A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered.

    Linda is a blonde and a democrat, and an Obama voter. All three of these things could have influenced Lindas behavior. However upon further inspection it was found that the bread dough expired in January 2008, making it Bushs' fault.
    “The rifle itself has no moral stature, since it has no will of its own. Naturally, it may be used by evil men for evil purposes, but there are more good men than evil, and while the latter cannot be persuaded to the path of righteousness by propaganda, they can certainly be corrected by good men with rifles.”

    ― Jeff Cooper

  3. #3
    Gunco Veteran Chiroone's Avatar
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    Ok, here is one I heard a while ago:

    Two ( use your favorite group you want to insult) hunters were out the woods and they come upon a beautiful nude woman laying on a blanket, one of the hunters asked her; " hey, are you game?" she replied "sure", the other one then shot her.

    It is funnier if you have had a drink or two
    Nemo ME Impune Lacessit
    Manus sapiens potens est
    пиштоли не убиваат луѓе, тие само го прават тоа полесно

  4. #4
    GuncoHolic kernelkrink's Avatar
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    Two hunters are out in the woods in side by side tree stands. One leans over and falls out, hitting his head on a rock when he hits the ground. Panicked, his buddy quickly comes to his aid and dials 911 on his cellphone.

    911: What is the nature of the emergency?
    Bubba: My buddy just fell out of his tree stand and hit his head. There's blood everywhere, I think he's dead!
    911: Stay calm. The first thing we need to do is make sure he is really dead.
    Bubba: OK BANG BANG BANG!

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