Baked Beans.... If this doesn't make you laugh out loud, nothing will.
Once there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked
beans. She loved them but unfortunately, they had always had a very
embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her.
Then one day she met a man and fell in love. When it became apparent
that they would marry she thought to herself, "He is such a sweet
and gentle man, he would never go for this carrying on." She made
the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Some months later her car
broke down on the way home from work. Since she lived in the country
she called her husband and told him that she would be late because
she had to walk home. On her way, she passed a small diner and the
odor of the baked beans was more than she could stand. Since she
still had miles to walk, she figured that she would walk off any ill
effects by the time she reached home..
So, she stopped at the diner
and before she knew it, she had consumed three large orders of baked
beans. All the way home she putt-putted, and upon arriving home she felt reasonably sure she could control it. Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded
her and led her to her chair at the table. She seated herself and
just as he was about to remove the blindfold from his wife, the telephone rang. He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned.
He then went to answer the telephone. The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg and let it go.. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of pulpwood mill. She took her napkin and fanned the air around her
vigorously. Then, she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three
more, which reminded her of cooked cabbage. Keeping her ears tuned
to the conversation in the other room, she went on like this for
another ten minutes. When the telephone farewells signaled the end
of her freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with her napkin,
placed it on her lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling
contentedly to herself.
She was the picture of innocence when her
husband returned, apologizing for taking so long, he asked her if
she peeked, and she assured him that she had not. At this point, he
removed the blindfold, and she was surprised!!! There were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a "Happy Birthday"!!!