Baked Beans
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Thread: Baked Beans

  1. #1
    Carolina Girl Taz38's Avatar
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    Dec 2004
    Charleston, SC
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    Talking Baked Beans

    Baked Beans.... If this doesn't make you laugh out loud, nothing will.

    Once there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked
    beans. She loved them but unfortunately, they had always had a very
    embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her.

    Then one day she met a man and fell in love. When it became apparent
    that they would marry she thought to herself, "He is such a sweet
    and gentle man, he would never go for this carrying on." She made
    the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Some months later her car
    broke down on the way home from work. Since she lived in the country
    she called her husband and told him that she would be late because
    she had to walk home. On her way, she passed a small diner and the
    odor of the baked beans was more than she could stand. Since she
    still had miles to walk, she figured that she would walk off any ill
    effects by the time she reached home..

    So, she stopped at the diner
    and before she knew it, she had consumed three large orders of baked
    beans. All the way home she putt-putted, and upon arriving home she felt reasonably sure she could control it. Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded
    her and led her to her chair at the table. She seated herself and
    just as he was about to remove the blindfold from his wife, the telephone rang. He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned.

    He then went to answer the telephone. The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg and let it go.. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of pulpwood mill. She took her napkin and fanned the air around her
    vigorously. Then, she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three
    more, which reminded her of cooked cabbage. Keeping her ears tuned
    to the conversation in the other room, she went on like this for
    another ten minutes. When the telephone farewells signaled the end
    of her freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with her napkin,
    placed it on her lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling
    contentedly to herself.

    She was the picture of innocence when her
    husband returned, apologizing for taking so long, he asked her if
    she peeked, and she assured him that she had not. At this point, he
    removed the blindfold, and she was surprised!!! There were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a "Happy Birthday"!!!

  2. #2
    Good Ole' Boy RTO68-69's Avatar
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    Feb 2005
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    Were the guests still conscious?

  3. #3
    Proud Confederate partssman's Avatar
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    Jul 2005
    Thomasville, NC
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    Dog gone Taz ......kinda like Benny Hill talking about the lady going to slip into something more comforable and she comes in with the birthday guests and in his words.....and all I had on were me socks"
    When Injustice Becomes Law....Rebellion Becomes Duty

    The only thing wrong with Abraham Lincoln's Gettysburg Address was that it was the South, not the North, that was fighting for a government of the people, by the people and for the people."

    -- H. L. Mencken


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    RLB is offline
    Gunco Veteran RLB's Avatar
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  6. #5
    GuncoHolic WC846's Avatar
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    Oct 2004
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    That had to leave a mark
    you got to kill it to grill it...Ted Nugent

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