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Thread: Dear god, from bruno

  1. #1
    Poof no eyebrows klauss's Avatar
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    Default Dear god, from bruno

    TO: GOD
    FROM: Bruno

    Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

    Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?

    Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the " Chrysler Beagle"?

    Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?


    Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

    Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

    Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

    Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog.

    1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.

    2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.

    3. I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box, although they are tasty.

    4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

    5. The sofa is not a 'face towel'. Neither are Mom and Dad's laps.

    6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

    7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

    8. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and registration.

    9. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

    10. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying "hello".

    11. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.

    12. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.

    13. I will not throw up in the car.

    14. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.

    15. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when we have company.

    16. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.


    And, finally, my last question . . .

    Dear God: When I get to Heaven can I get my testicles back?



    "We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid."
    -Benjamin Franklin

    "If the Good Lord wanted me to use percussion caps I reckon the river beds would be full of 'em for the takin"
    Old flintlock shooter I met at the range.

    In this day and age it is easier to stay stupid than it is to stay ignorant. I have had the misfortune to have encountered many informed idiots

  2. #2
    Gunco Chick Sandy's Avatar
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    Default

    ~Americanwoman

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