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Thread: Darwin Awards

  1. #1
    GuncoHolic Templar's Avatar
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    Default Darwin Awards

    Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are
    bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. Here then, are the glorious
    winners." All of these did not remove themselves from the gene pool.


    Darwin Award Winners:
    1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim
    during a holdup in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot did
    something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried
    the trigger again. This time it worked.


    And now, the honorable mentions:
    2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting
    machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his
    insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men
    to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger. The
    chef's claim was approved.


    3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during
    a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken
    the space. Understandably, he shot her.


    4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
    found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from
    Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the
    driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free
    ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the
    staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.
    The deception wasn't discovered for three days.


    5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head
    wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the
    injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he
    could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.


    6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter,
    and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled
    a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly
    provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20
    bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15.
    (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)


    7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
    he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some
    booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head at
    the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the
    head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of
    Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.


    8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed
    her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able
    to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the
    police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to
    the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there
    for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's
    the lady I stole the purse from."


    9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger
    King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash.
    The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash
    register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk
    said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked
    away.


    A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!
    10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a
    Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at
    the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near
    spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to
    steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage
    tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying
    that it was the best laugh he'd had in years.
    "RPG kaboom tank!"

    Comrade Soldier Koverchenko

  2. #2
    Man on Fire bulletboy's Avatar
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    those are funny. the motorhome sewage one has been around for a few years. my favorite is #4, it just cracks me up..

    One year I read one where a guy was working on his car underneath, and needed to drill a hole. He didnt have a drill, so he used the next best thing. His gun. the bullet ricocheted off and shot himself in the leg..

  3. #3
    The Mad Messenger Zane Zackerly's Avatar
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    National Lampoon used to post these a lot. They are great!
    "I Am the Mad Messenger From the Edge"

  4. #4
    Gunco Regular Buick Guy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bulletboy
    those are funny. the motorhome sewage one has been around for a few years. my favorite is #4, it just cracks me up..

    One year I read one where a guy was working on his car underneath, and needed to drill a hole. He didnt have a drill, so he used the next best thing. His gun. the bullet ricocheted off and shot himself in the leg..
    The guy who did that was a Sears automotive tech. I was working for Sears at the time and heard the story. His catalytic convertor was plugged and that is why he needed to drill the hole in it.

    I'm almost positive I saw the video for #7. Ouch does not begin to describe it.
    If the left can make a cowardly mass muderer like che guevara a hero, I can make PinoCHEt mine.
    (That is not my Buick in the photo)


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    Moderator ptannjr's Avatar
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    too funny
    Consider this, Amateurs built the Ark, Professionals built the Titanic





    Ocala and Marion County Car Audio

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