You Might Be A Gun Nut If.........(long)
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Thread: You Might Be A Gun Nut If.........(long)

  1. #1
    Resident Curmudgeon Karl/PA's Avatar
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    Default You Might Be A Gun Nut If.........(long)

    This just in from AGI:

    "You Might Be A Gun Nut If" :
    -If You've ever dabbed a little Hoppe's on your neck before going on a date...
    -If you bought checkering tools, checkered all your gunstocks and are now starting on the bedposts...
    -If you cannot really recall just how many guns you own...
    -Surplus ammunition suppliers call you to see if there was anything you were looking for...
    -If you bought a gun from a gunshop, only to realize you used to own it years ago...
    -If you've ever shot out a 1911 barrel.........
    -If you save brass and have a case tumbler, but don't reload...
    -If you ever stripped the paint off of your car and then blued it
    -If you've ever bought ammo for a caliber you didn,t shoot, thinking that someday you might own a gun in that caliber...
    -If your computer passwords are gun related...
    -If your five-year-old can detail strip and fully reassemble an M-1 Garand............
    -If you take your guns out of the safe and handle them, just so you can wipe them down before going to bed...
    -If your local gunsmith calls you for obsolete parts...
    -If you home-school and use ballistic tables for math lessons...
    -If your gun safe is bigger than your refrigerator...
    -If the speedometer on your car is in both m.p.h. and fps...
    -If you call Brownells and they recognize your voice...
    -If you own reloading dies for calibers that you do not shoot...
    -If you understand Smith and Wesson's model numbers...
    -If you ever bought two different brands of the same bullet just to see which one "shot better"...
    -If you've ever had to explain "that it's not the same gun it's a variant!"...
    -If watching the Lion King gives you the itch for a .470 Nitro...
    -If you cut out your best groups and carry them in your wallet like photos...
    -If you've ever gone to a gun show three times in one month, and were excited every time...
    -If you feel that a golf course is a willful and deliberate misuse of a perfectly good rifle range...
    -If you ever accidentally seasoned a steak with FFFFg black powder...
    -If your brass tumbler used to be a small cement mixers.
    -If you identify the gun on the cover of Dillon's Blue Press before you notice the girl...
    -If you make $30/hr at work and spent 35 min- on your knees at the range looking for that last piece of .40 brass...
    -If you have guns in your safes that you can't for the life of you remember how you came by...
    -If the FBI asks you to identify firearms they can't...
    -If ammo manufacturers had to layoff workers when you went to Europe for a month's vacation...
    -If you know the range of every tree in the neighborhood...
    -if you can tell the caliber of any spent casing just by feel...
    -If you plead with the gun shop to hold a rifle/shotgun until you have space for it...
    -If you can't figure out why your non-shooting friends laugh when you say "Bushmaster"...
    -If you didn't get that last one because you don't have any "non-shooting" friends...
    -If you driver's license says "must wear night vision goggles."
    -If your shoulder is callused...
    -If manufactures ask you how their rifles hold up.
    -If you get misty eyed evey time you sell a gun..
    -If you alternate Silvertips, Hydra-Shoks and Black Talons in your magazines because they look prettier that way..........
    -If you guess windage and range every time you look at a road sign...
    -If you went out to the range this weekend to shoot up ammo, just so you'd have some brass to reload...
    -RCBS answers your phone calls, "What have YOU dreamed up this time?"..............
    -if you can name the parts of your post-ban rifle you had to (or want to) swap out to make a legal semi auto AW
    -if someone asks about the president and you think they're talking about charlton heston
    -if you know the model numbers of your glocks, how many and what size mags you have, and which are loaded, but have no idea when your anniversary is.
    -if you've ever had to explain why you need armor piercing rounds to someone
    -if you don't know that there is a difference between "the Internet" and "Glock Talk"
    -if you have ever run out of gas in your car, but have never run out of ammo before
    -if you know the serial numbers of your guns, but still get your kids' names mixed up.
    -if you hold a firearms related record in Guiness book of world records.
    -if you go to gun shows with a grocery buggy (painted camo of course)
    -if you had to explain to someone what a "SHTF scenerio" is
    -if the National Guard calls you when things get a little too hot
    -if you had a gun rack on your bike when you were a kid
    -if you know why 30-06 is pronounced "thirty alt six"
    -if you buy all of your clothes at wal-mart but own some of the most expensive holsters known to man
    -if your name is on California's AW ban
    -if you walk up on a conversation about horses and as soon as you hear "colt", you are immediately interested.
    -if your favorite saint is John Moses Browning.
    -if your favorite paint color is "gun metal grey".
    -if you break off on a dissertation on how badly congress screwed Bill Ruger.
    -if you anticipate another shooting session AS you are putting your guns away at the range.
    -if you look at Shotgun News the way teenagers look at playboy
    -if every street sign within 5 miles of your house looks like it came from chechnya
    -if you went to college, but owned more gun manuals than text books
    -if the national guard armory has your phone number on "call block" because you keep making bids on their WWII artillary piece sitting out front
    -if you carry a backup gun in case the backup for your backup fails.
    -if you carry concealed at the beach
    -if third world arms dealers consider you to be the largest gun runner in the world (but you keep all the stuff for yourself)
    -if you were arrested/questioned about the sniper shootings
    -if you've filled out more "yellow forms" than income tax forms
    -if you have your own VIP parking spot at gun shows.
    -if you hear someone say "it's about 9:45" and you think to yourself "good grief, the 9mm/.45 debate will never end!"
    -if you sit through a violent movie and aren't bothered by gorey violence, but flinch when someone drops a firearm (might scratch it)
    -if the above has ever brought tears to your eyes
    -if you have been banned from a movie theater because you always stand up in the middle of the movie and tell everyone you can't fire 30 rounds from a revolver without reloading.
    -if you ever took apart your Nintendo zapper and installed custom trigger,laser sight, scope, etc. for Duck Hunt
    -if you have more firearms than friends
    -if you have insurance covering your guns, but not you
    -if hillary clinton makes your skin crawl.
    -if you slide your paddle holster on to check your mail.
    -if you slide your paddle holster on to take out the garbage.
    -if you find yourself rapidly disassembling/re-assembling your the dark.....on the toilet.
    -if you drive to work with a $1500 Kimber in a $500 pick-up.
    -if you've spent more than twenty minutes writing "you might be a gun nut if's.
    -if your guns are named names usually reserved for people
    -if you designed your own caliber and built a firearm to fire it
    -if you grew up with loaded guns all around you, but it never crossed your mind to shoot up your school.
    -if you've read the Constitution
    -if you know the second amendment by heart
    -if you know the second amendment translated into more than 3 laguages
    -if you used to have a hill as a backstop, but now it has become a 30 foot high mound of pure lead.
    -if you make your own reloading tools
    -if you make your own powder
    -if you don't label your reloading powder, because you can hear the difference when shaking the can
    -if you have ever read an article in the crime section of the newspaper and read "the suspect had over 200 rounds of ammunition", then assumed it was a misprint. who in his right mind would get down to only 200 rounds???
    -if your CCW is a shotgun
    -if your CCW is a .50
    -if your CCW is a LAW
    - if you find yourself doing trigger and muzzle control on the bottle of your wife's glass cleaner
    - if your girlfriend/wife is jealous of the time you spend with your guns
    - if your wishlist on midwayusa totals up to the price of a new car
    - if that new car would be a bentley
    - if your already thinking about your next gun while your filling out the paperwork on the one you're buying.
    - if the guys at the local gun shop send you a christmas card
    - if you own a guns you haven't shot yet
    - if you have a room in your house dedicated to guns
    - if when someone says "but what if you don't have a gun with you?" and after 15 minutes you still can comprehend how that would be possible.
    - if the sound of full auto gun fire makes you feel all warm and fuzzy
    -if you shook the presents under your tree, and one fired a round out of it.
    -if you've spent more money at Midway USA, Brownell's, and Cabela's than the companies are worth.
    -if your will specifies your favorite firearm(s) to be buried with you.
    -if the glock talk logo is burned into your monitor.
    -if you have had a friend who thought knives were soooo cool and dangerous, then you showed him your AK-47 collection
    -if you wonder why you must renew your CCW license every year, but your marriage license won't expire.
    -if someone asks how many guns you have, and the answer begins with "about" (i.e. "about 50 or so").
    -if you took an ink blot test, and your answers were things like "an AR-15 sear", "bolt release from ruger 10-22", "firing pin from M1911", etc.
    -if you know you carry 45 caliber 230 grain full metal jacketed hydra-shock hollow points from Federal, but don't know the color of your wife's eyes.
    -if you have ever shot a hole in something on accident
    -if that something was your TV during a Bush/Gore debate
    -if you buy Hoppe's solvent in 50 gallon drums because your howitzer "likes" it
    -if the gun show owners let you in free.
    -if you named a dog after a gun.
    -if you name your kids after your guns.
    -if you time yourself each time you fill out one of those yellow forms, and you're down to a minute flat.
    -if NICS put your favorite gun dealer on call block.
    -if you're only dating/marrying a girl so you can shoot her gun collection.
    -if the wallpaper on your desktop is firearm related
    -if the wallpaper in a room of your house is firearm related
    -if you have no wallpaper or house, but live in a dug-out underground bunker to keep your guns safe
    -if CNN does a report on gun control and shows a table of guns from a gun show, and one of them has your name engraved on the side.
    -if you carry pictures of your guns in your wallet
    -if you ever heard gun shots outside your house late at night, but fell into a state of sheer panic because you couldn't decide which gun to grab.
    -if your favorites in the computer only have one folder, "guns."
    -when your wife have .357 sig brass as earings
    -at the tupperware party you show them your Glock
    -your gold tooth is made of melted brass
    -you get arrested for possesion of a gram of black powder
    -your kids have Glock as middle names
    -your kids bike is on a bipod
    -you go out with bird watchers with a 3-9 scope
    -your walkman is made by Peltor
    -your kids vocabulary consists; ballistics, trajectory, clusters, magnums, parallax
    -Your wife loves to shop at Glockstore, Glockmeister, Topglock etc.
    -You shower the bride and groom with brass
    -You double tap when knocking on doors
    -You get excited when you see the Target store logo
    -You buy your kids a book each and buy yourself five gun magazines
    -Your tennis attire has Glock logos
    -Your Golf bag has a gun compartment
    -You lubricate your kid's bikes with Hoppe's
    -Your banana holds 40 rounds
    -Your car is coated with tennifer
    -You light your charcoal with gun powder
    -Your kids would rather go to a gun show than Kings Dominion or Disney World
    -You are the only one with a vest without a camera
    - If your apartment complex cites -you- as the reason they don't need on-site security.
    - If someone you've never met comes to your door and says, "I was given your name. Can you help me while I get my stuff out of my boyfriend's/husband's apartment?"
    - If the person who gave your name is a local Police Officer.
    - If your local Police Department makes a point of calling you at home to tell you about the sex-offender/felon who just moved into your area.
    - If you've been in a local gun shop and had a sales clerk ask you a question about a firearm, because no one else in the shop knows the answer.
    - If the above occurs so they can make a sale.
    - If one of your local gun shops asks you to come work for them, because you've shown more knowledge than their employees.
    - If the above occurs at a shop you don't normally frequent.
    - If your local Police Department asks you what you think about the new handgun they're thinking about issuing.
    - If you've ever been asked by your local Police Department to bring in one or more of your weapons for them to show off, because they're "Better than this crap we're carrying."
    - If you've ever gotten out of a ticket by offering to take the Officer shooting.
    - If you've ever been pulled over by a Police Officer so she can ask you to take her shooting.
    - If you've ever been pulled over by a local Police Department just so they can ask you a question about one of your weapons, or your ammunition.
    - If you've ever had people fly into the state, or country, just to fire some of your weapons.
    - If you've ever talked about your latest acquisition and heard the words, "How the hell'd you get your hands on that?"
    - If your name has ever been given to a new recruit at your local Police Department along with the words, "Don't bother asking, he's going to have a gun on him somewhere."
    - If your boss has ever given you a box of ammunition as a reward for a 'Job Well Done', and you don't work in a firearms friendly place.
    - If you've ever taken the day off work to go shooting, hunting, to the smith, or to purchase a new handgun, and yet you refuse to call in sick.
    - If your primary requirement for a soft-side briefcase, for work, is how well it can carry one of your preferred sidearms.

    I swear, by my life and my love of it, that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine. - Ayn Rand

  2. #2
    Guest Cimarron's Avatar


    I can find about a dozen, I think i'm a nut or at least a bananna.

  3. #3
    Gunco Regular Broncodarts's Avatar
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    Jan 2005
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    33. I guess that would make me certifiable.
    I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer, it makes you a smart American

    George Carlin

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