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Thread: Letters to your pets

  1. #1
    Carolina Girl Taz38's Avatar
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    Talking Letters to your pets

    Rules for dogs, cats & people

    Dear dogs & Cats,

    The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

    The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

    I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

    For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, bark, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years-canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

    The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's @#%$. I cannot stress this enough!

    To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on my front door:

    Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:

    1. They live here. You don't.
    2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.
    3. I like my pets a lot better than most people.
    4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
    5. Dogs and cats are better than kids ... they eat less, don't ask for Money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hangout with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, and don't need a gazillion dollars for college - and if they get pregnant, you can sell the children.

  2. #2
    deactive ~ and in trouble Randy's Avatar
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    I like it

  3. #3
    Resident Curmudgeon Karl/PA's Avatar
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    Love it, and so do my labs.
    Karl

    I swear, by my life and my love of it, that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine. - Ayn Rand

  4. #4
    Nanook of the North Scorpion8's Avatar
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    Do you have the rebuttal letter from the pets to "their human"?
    Retired US Navy
    NRA Life Member -- NAHC Life Member
    "Take, sink, burn, or destroy the enemy fleet": Lord St.Vincent's orders to Nelson off Toulon, 21 May 1798
    Pretty much spells it out, huh?

  5. #5
    Gunco Irregular Grendeljaeger's Avatar
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    Good one Taz!!!
    Gunco member #11


    “it is dangerous to be right in matters about which the established authorities are wrong” Voltaire

  6. #6
    GuncoHolic WC846's Avatar
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    Good one Taz..while we are on the topic of pets..check out this video..Patches the Horse
    you got to kill it to grill it...Ted Nugent



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