Bill to Regulate the Hunting and Harvesting of Attorneys
Any person with a valid in-state rodent or snake hunting license may also hunt and harvest attorneys for recreational and Sport (non-commercial) purposes.
Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of United States currency as bait, however, is prohibited.
Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a state health department inspection for rabies, and vermin.
The willful killing of attorneys with a motor vehicle is prohibited, unless such vehicle is an ambulance being driven in reverse. If an attorney is accidentally struck by a motor vehicle, the dead attorney should be removed to the roadside, and the vehicle should proceed immediately to the nearest car wash.
It is unlawful to chase, herd or harvest attorneys from a power boat, helicopter or aircraft.
It is unlawful to shout, "WHIPLASH", "AMBULANCE", or "FREE SCOTCH" for the purposes of trapping attorneys.
It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW, Mercedes or Porsche dealerships, except on Wednesday afternoons.
It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, health clubs, country clubs, hospitals or brothels.
If an attorney gains elective office, it is not necessary to have a license to hunt, trap or possess the same.
It is unlawful for a hunter to wear a disguise as a reporter, drug dealer, pimp, accident victim, bookie, physician, chiropractor or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting attorneys.
Bag and Possession Limits per day:
Yellow-bellied sidewinders, 2;
Two-faced tortfeasors, 1;
Back-stabbing divorce litigators, 3;
Horn-rimmed cut-throats, 2;
Minutiae-advocating dirtbags, 4;
NOTE: Honest attorneys remain protected under The Endangered Species Act.
"We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid."
"If the Good Lord wanted me to use percussion caps I reckon the river beds would be full of 'em for the takin"
Old flintlock shooter I met at the range.
In this day and age it is easier to stay stupid than it is to stay ignorant. I have had the misfortune to have encountered many informed idiots
I swear, by my life and my love of it, that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine. - Ayn Rand
Criminal attorneys should have no bag limit.
Patrick Henry, that patriot and Founding Father of our country said, "It cannot be emphasized too strongly or too often that this great nation was founded not by religionists but by Christians, not on religions but on the Gospel of Jesus Christ".