1. When you run away in the middle of a perfectly
good leg humping.

2. Blaming your farts on me...not funny.

3. Yelling at me for barking... I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG

4. How you naively believe that the stupid cat isn't
all over everything while you're gone. (Have you
noticed that your toothbrush tastes a little like cat


5. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check
stuff out. Exactly who's walk is this anyway?

6. Any trick that involves balancing food on my
nose...STOP it.

7. Yelling at me for rubbing my ass on your carpet.
Why'd you buy carpet?

8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your
guests. Sorry but I haven't quite mastered that
handshake thing yet...idiot.

9. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look,
we both know the truth, you're just jealous.

10. Dog sweaters. Have you noticed the fur?

11. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now
you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not

12. When you pick up the poop piles in the yard. Do
you realize how far behind schedule that puts me?

13. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then
acting surprised when I freak out everytime we go

14. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You
fooled a dog! What a proud moment for the top of the
food chain, you tard.

15. Invisible fences. Why do you insist on screwing
with us?