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Thread: airplane humor

  1. #1
    Poof no eyebrows klauss's Avatar
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    Default airplane humor

    After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
    The mechanics correct the problem, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

    Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.



    Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P);

    and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

    By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.


    ----------------------------------------------------------------------


    P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
    S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

    P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
    S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

    P: Something loose in cockpit.
    S: Something tightened in cockpit.

    P: Dead bugs on windshield.
    S: Live bugs on back-order.

    P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
    S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    S: Evidence removed.

    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
    S: DME volume set to more believable level.

    P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
    S: That's what they're for.

    P: IFF inoperative.
    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

    P: Suspected crack in windshield.
    S: Suspect you're right.

    P: Number 3 engine missing.
    S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

    P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
    S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

    P: Target radar hums.
    S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

    P: Mouse in cockpit.
    S: Cat installed.

    And the best one for last .........
    P: Noise coming from under instrument panel Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
    S: Took hammer away from midget
    "We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid."
    -Benjamin Franklin

    "If the Good Lord wanted me to use percussion caps I reckon the river beds would be full of 'em for the takin"
    Old flintlock shooter I met at the range.

    In this day and age it is easier to stay stupid than it is to stay ignorant. I have had the misfortune to have encountered many informed idiots

  2. #2
    Unclear Engineer ozzy the nuke's Avatar
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    Default

    I never get tired of seeing those.
    No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously. ~Dave Barry, Dave Barry Turns 50

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