Results 1 to 10 of 10

Thread: Having your oil changed

  1. #1
    Gunco Veteran AKaTom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    1,739
    Feedback Score
    10 (100%)

    Default Having your oil changed

    Oil Change instructions for Women:


    1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since
    the
    last oil change.
    2) Drink a cup of coffee.
    3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly
    maintained
    vehicle.

    Money spent:
    Oil Change $20.00
    Coffee $1.00
    Total $21.00
    ================================================== ========

    Oil Change instructions for Men:

    1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of
    oil,
    filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check
    for
    $50.00.
    2) Stop by 7 - 11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20,
    drive
    home.
    3) Open a beer


    and drink it.
    4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
    5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
    6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
    7) Place drain pan under engine.
    8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
    9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
    10) Unscrew drain plug.
    11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in
    process.
    Cuss.
    12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms.
    Throw
    kitty litter on spilled oil.
    13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
    14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
    15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil
    filter
    and twist off.
    16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil
    everywhere from
    oles. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in
    trash
    can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
    17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish
    oil
    change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener.
    18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change."

    Drag
    pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in
    hole in
    back yard instead of taking it back to Autozone to recycle.
    19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
    20) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.
    21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
    22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil
    to
    gasket surface.
    23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
    24) Remember drain plug from step
    11.
    25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
    26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard,
    along with drain plug.
    27) Drink beer.
    28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel
    oily
    dirt into hole. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly cover oily
    patch
    of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug
    in lawnmower gas.
    29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
    Throw
    kitty litter on oil spill.
    30) Drink beer.
    31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with
    oily
    rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench
    tightening
    drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
    32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to
    step 31.
    33) Begin cussing fit.
    34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
    35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit bowling
    trophy.
    36) Beer.
    37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required t o stop
    blood
    flow.
    38) Beer.
    39) Beer.
    40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
    41) Beer.
    42) Lower car from jack stands.
    43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.
    44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled
    during
    steps 23 - 43.
    45) Beer.
    46) Test drive car.
    47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
    48) Car gets impounded.
    49) Call loving wife, make bail.
    50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

    Money spent:

    Parts $50.00

    DUI $2500.00
    Impound fee $75.00
    Bail $1500.00
    Beer $40.00
    Total - - $4,165.00

    But you know the job was done right!

  2. #2
    Gunco Veteran Icarus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Posts
    1,054
    Feedback Score
    4 (100%)

    Default

    that appears accurate
    American By Birth, Southern By the Grace Of God

  3. #3
    GuncoHolic WC846's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Location
    PA
    Posts
    2,607
    Feedback Score
    0

    Default

    i quit that a long time ago.after i got the beer i never made it home.
    you got to kill it to grill it...Ted Nugent



  4. #4
    Friend of MCMXI Preacher's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    WV
    Posts
    8,717
    Feedback Score
    1 (100%)

    Default

    That's where I have the advantage by not drinking beer.
    You only have the rights you are willing to fight for.
    I Like 1911's.

  5. #5
    Gunco Veteran AKaTom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    1,739
    Feedback Score
    10 (100%)

    Default

    I know its supposed to be humor, but I sure can relate to alot of that

  6. #6
    Gunco Member fuzzy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    southern indiana
    Posts
    129
    Feedback Score
    1 (100%)

    Default

    you forgot about a lube job ,you know spend 10 mins trying to find the grease gun were you flung it last time you did it. finding grease etc those @#$% fitting.

  7. #7
    Nanook of the North Scorpion8's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Juneau, Alaska
    Posts
    1,011
    Feedback Score
    1 (100%)

    Default

    I am shocked and appalled. <g> A gathering of manly men who build guns and grunt and build things that make loud noise and blow up, and you jest about oil changes? The picture may be accurate, but we should revel in the oil under our fingernails, exhalt in that first gush of hot oil as it pours all over your hand as you try vainly to get the drain plug out, and sing the sounds of manliness that comes from owning a race jack just to pump up the front end of the wife's minivan once every three months or 3000 miles. These things should bring out the inner-neaderthal in us, not be cause for lightsided humor.

    So what if I own five oil filter wrenches in my quest for "the right one"? So what if I have a Dymo label maker just to print the next due oil change and stick it under the door seal? The manly side of life is escaping us.....

    Retired US Navy
    NRA Life Member -- NAHC Life Member
    "Take, sink, burn, or destroy the enemy fleet": Lord St.Vincent's orders to Nelson off Toulon, 21 May 1798
    Pretty much spells it out, huh?

  8. #8
    Gunco Member infamous ted's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    31
    Feedback Score
    1 (100%)

    Default

    whew

  9. #9
    Question Everything... CeeKay's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Location, Location
    Posts
    592
    Feedback Score
    0

    Default

    Done it....


    - CK
    Ask questions first; Distance? Windage? Elevation?
    ------------
    ""...when you capture spoils from the enemy, they must be used as rewards, so that all your men may have a keen desire to fight, each on his own account""

    - Sun Tzu
    ------------
    "A petty thief is put in jail. A great brigand becomes a ruler of a State."
    - Zhuang Zi

  10. #10
    Gunco Member oron's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Posts
    51
    Feedback Score
    0

    Default

    Pretty much.
    Only $40.00 in beer ?

Search tags for this page

There are currently no search engine referrals.
Click on a term to search our site for related topics.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •