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Thread: Holiday Eating Tips!!!

  1. #1
    Grand Poobah Gunco's Avatar
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    Default Holiday Eating Tips!!!

    Holiday Eating Tips

    1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table
    knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave
    immediately. Go next door where they're serving rum balls.

    2. Drink as much eggnog as you can...and quickly. Like fine single-malt
    scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't
    find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has
    10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an
    eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me.
    Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

    3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy.
    Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed
    potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

    4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole
    milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an
    automatic transmission.

    5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your
    eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's
    f! ood--for free. Lots of it! Hellooo??!!

    6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's!
    You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time
    for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying
    a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

    7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted
    Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them
    and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of
    attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind,
    you're never going to see them again.

    8. Same for pies; Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat! Have a slice of each. Or if
    you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three.
    When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

    9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory
    celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

    10. One final tip: if you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or
    get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start
    over; but hurry, January is just around the corner.

    Remember this motto to live by:

    "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
    safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in
    sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up,
    totally worn out, and screaming "WOO HOO, what a ride!"

    Have a great holiday season!
    "Courage is being scared to death - and saddling up anyway." - The Duke

  2. #2
    Gunco Regular notime's Avatar
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    That's priceless!

  3. #3
    Cimarron
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    I didn't know we had to wait till the holidays to eat that way! That is a normal eating week for me every week.

  4. #4
    No Hope For Me Coils's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cimarron
    I didn't know we had to wait till the holidays to eat that way! That is a normal eating week for me every week.
    LOL Yeah other then the eggnog that does sound normal.

  5. #5
    Gunco Member mcrider39's Avatar
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    I have to eat carrot sticks do to older age my eyes love them

  6. #6
    AK/AR builder dmrodco's Avatar
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  7. #7
    Gunco Rookie desbromilow's Avatar
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    I never understood the american abhorrence of fruitcake - the ones in OZ are nice - never abhorred - why are they hated in US?

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