You have to find some good ones in this bunch
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?
If you are psychic - think "HONK"
If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!
You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!
Don't get me mad! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies!
You are depriving some poor village of its idiot!
Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.
My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom
Grow your own dope, plant a man.
All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular.
Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.
Air Pollution is a mist-demeaner.
Editing is a rewording activity.
Make yourself at home .....clean my kitchen
Allow me to introduce my selves
Better living through denial
I'm just working here until a good fast food job opens up....
Chaos. Panic. Disorder. My work here is done
Too many freaks not enough circuses
Ambivalent? Well yes and no....
Does your train of thought have a caboose?
Is it time for your medication or mine?
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted a paycheck
How do I set the laser printer to stun?
I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert....
Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.
I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
And your crybaby, whiny opinion would be ... ?
Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
Whisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you."
Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
Adults are just kids who owe money.
Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?
I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
You! Off my planet!
-Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
I majored in liberal arts. Would you like fries with that?