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Thread: Employee Notice

  1. #1
    Gunco Maniac sjohnson's Avatar
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    Default Employee Notice

    Notice to All Employees

    As of November 5, 2008, when President Obama is officially elected into
    office, our company will instill a few new policies which are in keeping
    with his new, inspiring issues of change and fairness:

    1. All salespeople will be pooling their sales and bonuses into a common
    pool that will be divided equally between all of you. This will serve to
    give those of you who are underachieving a 'fair shake.'

    2. All low level workers will be pooling their wages, including
    overtime, into a common pool, dividing it equally amongst yourselves. This
    will help those who are 'too busy for overtime' to reap the rewards from
    those who have more spare time and can work extra hours.

    3. All top management will now be referred to as 'the government.' We
    will not participate in this 'pooling' experience because the law doesn't
    apply to us.

    4. The 'government' will give eloquent speeches to all employees every
    week, encouraging it's workers to continue to work hard 'for the good of
    all.'

    5. The employees will be thrilled with these new policies because it's
    'good to spread the wealth.' Those of you who have underachieved will
    finally get an opportunity; those of you who have worked hard and had
    success will feel more 'patriotic.'

    6. The last few people who were hired should clean out their desks. Don't
    feel bad, though, because President Obama will give you free healthcare,
    free handouts, free oil for heating your home, free foodstamps, and he'll
    let you stay in your home for as long as you want even if you can't pay your
    mortgage. If you appeal directly to our democratic congress, you might even
    get a free flatscreen TV and a coupon for free haircuts (shouldn't all
    Americans be entitled to nice looking hair?) !!!

    If for any reason you are not happy with the new policies, you may want to
    rethink your vote on November 4th.

    -----------------

    Giving money & power to the government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
    P. J. O'Rourke
    I have a daughter. I tell her, "911 is what you dial after you're raped. 1911 is what you should have before they try."

  2. #2
    NoWorkCamp4Me railbuggy's Avatar
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    Im watching EL CID tonite.In the morning I will know.
    SOON-We already lost the war. You are the resistance.

  3. #3
    Gunco Regular flopshot's Avatar
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    ahh,,, another Boortz fan...

  4. #4
    Gunco Member GunLocators's Avatar
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    hmmmm

  5. #5
    Gunco Member benmell's Avatar
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    Sounds like my last job.

  6. #6
    Cranky Curmudgeon zoom6zoom's Avatar
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    "as a cost saving measure, the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off until further notice."

  7. #7
    Resident Curmudgeon Karl/PA's Avatar
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    Shouldn't that read, :...for the good of the collective?"
    Karl

    I swear, by my life and my love of it, that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine. - Ayn Rand

  8. #8
    Gunco Member ToomanyAR's's Avatar
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    Sounds like the eastern bloc in the 30's

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