Most Excellent Karl!!!
How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
What are the three fastest means of communication?
How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.
What should you give a woman who has everything?
A man to show her how to work it.
Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.
How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.
Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
Because they don't have balls to scratch.
Why did God create woman ?
To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.
Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they think men care.
What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, she's been told twice already.
If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
Made her chain too long
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably
never be able to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer
to the kitchen sink.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told
I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by
It's called a Wedding Cake.
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
Women will never be equal to men..
until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
I swear, by my life and my love of it, that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine. - Ayn Rand
The wife just slapped me and the boy!!!
Imagine whirled peas
Peace, Love, And Superior Firepower
I laughed my @$$ off ,for some reason my wife didn't think they where that funny
Government big enough to supply everything you need is big enough to take everything you have. The course of history shows that as a government grows, LIBERTY DECREASES."
I just read this yesterday morning. I go to class at the college 20 minutes later, and there's a "Women Leadership" seminar...... You can't believe how tempted I was to burst in and start reading down this list.
Ask questions first; Distance? Windage? Elevation?
""...when you capture spoils from the enemy, they must be used as rewards, so that all your men may have a keen desire to fight, each on his own account""
- Sun Tzu
"A petty thief is put in jail. A great brigand becomes a ruler of a State."
- Zhuang Zi
Sad, just sad.... I have three daughters and I dare any man to say any of these jokes about my daughters while I'm standing there.
sadist part , my daughters would come back with some just as funny about men!!! I just don't get no respect I tell ya, like Rodney Dangerfield would say!!!