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Thread: Southern small town country Church observations

  1. #1
    Resident Curmudgeon Karl/PA's Avatar
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    Default Southern small town country Church observations

    1. People ask, when Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.

    2. The pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," and then five guys and two women stand up.

    3. Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.

    4. A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."

    5. The choir is known as the "OK Chorale."

    6. Boone's Farm "Tickle Pink" is the favorite wine for communion.

    7. In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.

    8. Baptism is referred to as "branding".

    9. There is a special fund raiser for a new church septic tank.

    1O. High notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling.

    11. People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.

    12. The final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now, ya hear?" (banjo accompaniment optional)
    Karl

    I swear, by my life and my love of it, that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine. - Ayn Rand

  2. #2
    Gunco Member mija's Avatar
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    Karl, How do you get all of these posted? You gotta spend most of your time dodging lightening bolts. Try a good ground strap and keep them coming.

  3. #3
    I am my favorite American gunnerxxx's Avatar
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    Karl I love your posts they make me laugh. I enjoy bashing religion sometimes myself a little too much, but being a southern man born and bred. I own several 4 wheel drives, no hound dogs, and dont find my sister or cousins sexually attractive. Keep em' comming bro'.
    signed Bubba in Florida

  4. #4
    Gunco Regular SouthTexasGuy's Avatar
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    Karl,

    Im a working in commie China because I cannot find a job in America, the greatest country in the world. Sometimes I miss home, and get a little down and just want a smile.

    I come a trapezin in here, look for the Jokes section to see the latest Karl Post.

    You always crack me up, and give me my much needed daily smile! God bless ya, keep them Karl Jokes a comin.

  5. #5
    Gunco Regular F-Troop's Avatar
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    Karl,

    I seem to be one of the silent majority. I've enjoyed your posts for what seems to be years.

    Many thanks!!
    "MOLON LABE!!"
    Spartan King Leonidas to the Persians in response to 'Lay down your arms.'

    "COME AND TAKE THEM!"

  6. #6
    GuncoHolic Tommo's Avatar
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    Thanks again Karl, you are the best!

  7. #7
    GuncoHolic twa2471's Avatar
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    Better be carefull SsouthTtexasGuy, if you mention guns they might think your one of them there American terriost and drag ya around Red Square by the balls with chop sticks, behind a rickshaw!!! chuckle chuckle!! WELL Could Happen, I'll watch the news for it!! Not a pretty picture!! more chuckles!!

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