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Thread: One liners

  1. #1
    Gunco Veteran Bolt2bounce's Avatar
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    Default One liners

    -Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up in the middle of the night next to some chick who was snoring and farting, so I knew I made it home OK!

    -The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.

    -I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.

    -My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.

    -I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.

    -I woke up this morning at 8, and could smell something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald’s serves breakfast until 11:30.

    -The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"

    -My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!"
    "Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"

    -A Catholic boy in confession says, “Bless me Father, I have sinned, I masturbated while thinking about my sister.”
    “That's a disgrace,” said the priest, “especially when you have two gorgeous brothers.”

    -I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.

  2. #2
    GuncoHolic twa2471's Avatar
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    Brother,,, if you weren't on the shit list before,,, I'm pretty sure you will be now !! DOWWWWW !!!!

    Funny stuff,, much of which I can relate to !

  3. #3
    GuncoHolic Tommo's Avatar
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    Thanks!

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