When Insults Had Class
These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.
A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
· "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr
· "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill
· "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow
· "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
· "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas
· "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain
· "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.." - Oscar Wilde
· "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
· "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second ... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.
· "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop
· "He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright
· "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb
· "He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson
· "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating
· "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand
· "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker
· "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain
· "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West
· "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde
· "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
· "He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder
· "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx
Wit makes its own welcome, and levels all distinctions. No dignity, no learning, no force of character, can make any stand against good wit. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"I think Congressmen should wear uniforms like NASCAR drivers so we could identify their corporate sponsors."
"Last time I checked, guns don't kill people, people kill people. I mean when was the last time you saw a gun being locked up or put on trial for the murder of a person!??"