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Thread: polite insults

  1. #1
    Gunco Regular dario541's Avatar
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    Default polite insults

    When Insults Had Class

    These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.

    A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
    "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

    "He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

    "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill

    "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow

    "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

    "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas

    "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

    "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.." - Oscar Wilde

    "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

    "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second ... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.

    "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop

    "He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright

    "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb

    "He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson

    "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating

    "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand

    "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker

    "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain

    "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West

    "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde

    "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

    "He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

    "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx

    Wit makes its own welcome, and levels all distinctions. No dignity, no learning, no force of character, can make any stand against good wit. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
    __________________
    "I think Congressmen should wear uniforms like NASCAR drivers so we could identify their corporate sponsors."

    "Last time I checked, guns don't kill people, people kill people. I mean when was the last time you saw a gun being locked up or put on trial for the murder of a person!??"

  2. #2
    GuncoHolic Tommo's Avatar
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    Excellent, thanks!

  3. #3
    aka: SDK1968 dutigaf's Avatar
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    yes i like this ....

    dont remember where i heard these first but good ones:

    you've got a face made for radio

    your voice would have been great in silent movies
    say what you mean & mean what you say


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