Let's Piss Off Everyone
A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunchtime. She said 'sorry about the wait'. I said, 'Don't worry, you'll find a way to lose it eventually'.
I walked past a black kid sitting at a bus stop as I went into the bank. When I came out, he looked at me and said 'Any Change?' I said, 'Nope, you're still black'.
Snow in the forecast and the TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight. I thought to myself, 'fat chance', with a face like that!
Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor away. But since all the doctors are now muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works best!
Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such a fantastic shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth closed.
I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to yourself. I'm going to take that.'
Man in a hot air balloon is lost over Iowa . He looks down and sees a farmer in the fields and shouts to him, where am I? The farmer looks back up and shouts back. You're in a basket you dumb shit!
I had a big lead in a trivia competition at a local bar until the last question which I got wrong. The question was where do women have the curliest hair? Fiji was the correct answer...hell, how did I know they wanted the name of a country?
I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans" were NOT the correct answers.
I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible,
but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.
Enforcement, NOT Amnesty!!!!!!
"If they’re going to come here illegally, apply for & receive assistance through a corrupted Government agency encouraging this lawless behavior, work under the table & send billions of dollars each year back to their families in Mexico, while bleeding local economies dry, protest in our streets waving their Mexican flags DEMANDING rights, while I have to press ’1′ for English, then they need to be shipped back to where they came from!" -Chad Miller
Those are great!!
"Courage is being scared to death - and saddling up anyway." - The Duke
That Fiji one. Let me tell ya, in my stupidity, that would be my answer, i swear. )
And my wife thinks I'm a sick person....
This one was deleted on a another forum I posted it on for being too racial, yikes!
I have no problem with that,,,,
I always seem to say the wrong thing at the right time, just to piss off someone,,,
just in my old cantankerous nature I guess,,,,