Ole, Sven and Lars die in a tragic Lutefisk accident. They are met by God on the stairway to heaven.
God says, "There are 3,000 steps to heaven. It's very serious up there. I'll tell you a joke on each 1,000th step you reach. If you laugh you go to hell."
So they start walking and reach to the first 1,000th step. God tells a joke, Lars laughs out loud and goes straight to hell. Ole and Sven look at each other nervously.
On the 2,000th step God tells another joke, Sven tries his best but laughs and goes to straight to hell.
On the 3,000th step God tells the last and best joke, Ole doesn't laugh and proceeds to the gate.
Suddenly, Ole bursts out laughing hysterically. God asks, "What are you laughing about?".
Ole replies, "Oh dat's funny. I yust got da first yoke!".
Ole and Sven go moose hunting every winter without any success. Finally, they come up with a foolproof plan. They get a very authentic female moose costume and learn the mating call of a female moose. The plan is to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot it. They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, don their costume, and begin to give the moose love call.
Before long, their call is answered when a bull comes crashing out of the forest and into the clearing. When the bull is close enough, Ole shouts, "Okay, letís get out and get him."
After a moment that seemed like an eternity, Sven in the back shouts, "Da zipper is stuck! Da zipper is stuck! Ole, vat are ve gonna do?"
Ole says, "Vell Sven, I'm going ta start nibbling grass, but you'd better brace yourself."
Ole and Sven are standing on a bridge fishing in the river below. Suddenly Sven sees in the distance a funeral procession coming. Sven reels in turns, toward the road, places his fish pole over his shoulder and stands at attention until it passes by
Ole says "Vy Sven dat vas such a respectful ting to do. I am really proud of you for doing it."
Sven says "Sure Ole, but do ya know I vas married to dat voman for tirty-five years".
In the middle of the show, Ole stands up and yells at the ventriloquist, "HEY!
You've been making too many jokes about us Norwegians! Knock it off ya bum!"
The ventriloquist replies, "Take it easy. They're only jokes!"
Ole replies, "You idiot, I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to dat little guy sitting on yer knee!"
Sven and Ole go to the beach, and after a couple hours Sven says, "This ain't no fun. How come da girls aren't friendly to me?"
"Well, I tell you, Sven, maybe if you put a big potato in your swim trunks, dat would help."
So Sven does, but he comes back to Ole later, and he says, "I tried vat you told me with da potato, but it doesn't help."
"Um, Sven, you're supposed to put da potato in da FRONT!"
A bar customer asked the bartender if he wanted to hear a Norwegian joke. The bartender pointed to a large man at the end of the bar and said, "He's Norwegian.'' Then the bartender pointed to a burly policeman near the door and repeated, "He's Norwegian.'' The bartender finished, ``Now think about whether you want to tell that joke, because I'm Norwegian, too.''
The customer replied, "I guess I won't tell that joke after all. I'd have to explain it three times.''
Ole and Lena were lying in bed one night when the phone rang, Ole answered it and Lena heard him yell, "Vell, how da hell should I know, dats over 2,000 miles away" and he hung up.
Lena say's "who vas dat Ole?"
Ole say's "Hell if I know, some guy vants ta know if da coast is clear."