dog food diet
I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart for my Labrador retriever and was in line to check out when the woman behind me asked if I had a dog?
On impulse, I said "No, I'm starting The Purina Diet again. Although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital the last time, I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming from everywhere possible and IVs in both arms." I also told her that it was essentially a perfect diet. The way it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. Since the food is nutritionally complete, I'm going to try it again. I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly the tall guy behind her. Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no; I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me. I thought the tall guy was going to need help as he laughingly staggered to the door.
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"To show you how radical I am, I want carjackers dead. I want rapists dead. I want burglars dead. I want child molesters dead. I want the bad guys dead. No court case. No parole. No early release. I want 'em dead. Get a gun and when they attack you, shoot 'em."
Ted Nugent - speaking at the NRA convention April 17, 2005
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