Frank Feldman

[KTV]

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going
by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, 'Perfect
timing. You're just like Frank.'

Passenger: 'Who?'

Cabbie: 'Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything
right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed
a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every
single time.'

Passenger: 'There are always a few clouds over everybody.'

Cabbie: 'Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He
could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf
with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced
like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play
the piano. He was an amazing guy.'

Passenger: 'Sounds like he was something really special.

Cabbie: 'There's more... He had a memory like a computer.
He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about
wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them
with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse,
and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he
could do everything right'

Passenger: 'Wow, some guy then.'

Cabbie: 'He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic
and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get
stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and
he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel
good. He would never answer her back even if she was
in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate,
shoes highly polished too - He was the perfect man! He
never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to
Frank Feldman.'

Passenger: 'An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?'

Cabbie: 'Well, I never actually met Frank, he died. I married his f---ing widow.'

[coctailer]