How to Install a Redneck Security System

**Karl/PA** · 04-17-2011, 04:07 PM

1. Go to a secondhand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine.
3. Put four giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.
4.. Leave a note on your door that reads:

Bubba,
Bertha, Duke, Slim, & I went for more ammo and beer. Be back in an hour.
Don't mess with the pit bulls; they attacked the mailman this morning and
messed him up bad. I don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell
from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house.
Better wait outside. Be right back.
Cooter

**jimmy t** · 04-17-2011, 06:32 PM

THAT WILL WORK NICELY.

kernelkrink · 04-17-2011, 08:04 PM

My friend once owned a wolf, he liked to chew on his dinner bowl. His bowl was a large double wall stainless steel saucepan that had the handle broke off. After he died, they left the deformed and obviously gnawed on bowl out on the front porch along with some clumps of dog hair and a broken collar chained to the railing. No one ever knocks on their door for some reason.