how to piss off the wife

[AndrewCampbell]

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,

"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you
to pay me a compliment.'

I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

I don't remember much after that.........

[Johnny_V]

Another way to piss her off....

************************************************** ********
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."

I asked "What color bathroom scale would you like?"

[Gunco]

So the wife was trying on dresses and didn't seem very happy with how she looked.

Then she turned to me and said "does this dress make me look fat?"

I said "honey it's not the dress that makes you look fat...its the fat that makes you look fat"....

Dam couch is not that comfy....

[Gunco]

So the wife wanted new breats her's are rather small and she brought in a flier for breast enlargement...I said "hell ya"

Then she said to me..."babe I want to improve my breast size to size 44 DD but it will cost $20,000"

I said "no fricken way that's too much money."

Then she said "I want $20,000 for new breasts" I said "okay want larger breasts.....go grab a handful of toilet paper and rub it between your tits"

She said "what good will that do?"

I said "Seems to work for your ass!"


Ahhh that couch is not comfy!

[Johnny_V]

I took my wife to a restaurant.

The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"Nah, she can order for herself."