Men and women
You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable ,
or get married and wish you were dead.
At a cocktail party, one woman said to another ,
" Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
"Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."
A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."
When a woman steals your husband ,
there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.
A little boy asked his father ,
" Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
Father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying."
A young son asked ,
" Is it true, Dad, that in some parts ofAfrica
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."
Then there was a woman who said ,
" I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
and by then, it was too late."
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
If you want your spouse to listen and
pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.
Just think , if it wasn't for marriage, men would go through life
they had no faults at all.
First guy says, "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy remarks, "You're lucky. Mine's still alive."
A Woman's Prayer
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom, to understand a man, to love and to forgive
him, and for Patience, for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for
I'll just beat him to death.
AND NOW FOR THE FAVORITE!!!
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A
blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find
overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the
gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it
the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at
end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy."
The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR
stick, we'd be riding the bus ... so shut the hell up."
"We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid."
"If the Good Lord wanted me to use percussion caps I reckon the river beds would be full of 'em for the takin"
Old flintlock shooter I met at the range.
In this day and age it is easier to stay stupid than it is to stay ignorant. I have had the misfortune to have encountered many informed idiots