Mental health hotline
I know this one has been around , but it's still funny.
Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.
If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to talk to you.
that is great!!
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"The friendliness and charity of our countrymen can always be relied upon to relieve their fellow citizens in misfortune.... Federal aid in such cases encourages the expectation of paternal care on the part of the Government and weakens the sturdiness of our national character...." -- President Grover Cleveland
Teach a man to fish, but if he'd rather turn around and steal your catch, shoot him.
Originally Posted by Cephus
Ya know, that may very well work! At the end of the message you could just add "If your not having mental health problems, leave a message after the beep like most normal people".