Politically Incorrect

[Karl/PA]

I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but, by turning to religion, I soon was able to come to terms with the whole thing.



I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning!



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The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did....



She's 21 and her name's Jenny.



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Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50.



It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.



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The thing I love most about this hot weather is the short skirts and low cut tops....



Although, they do make me look a bit gay.



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Following the tragic death of the Human Cannonball at the circus, a spokesman said "We'll struggle to get another man of the same caliber."



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My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job.



I said "Son, that's 3 schools this year! You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."



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Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a brick?



A: The brick doesn't follow you home after you lay it.



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Remember the 7 qualities for the perfect girlfriend... Beautiful, Intelligent, Gentle, Thoughtful, Innocent, Trustworthy, Sensible.



Or in other words........... B.I.G.T.I.T.S.



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Just been to the gym. They've got a new machine in. Could only use it for half an hour, as I started to feel sick. It's great though. It provides me with everything I need.



Kit Kats, Mars Bars, Snickers, Potato Crisps, the whole lot...”



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Question - Are there too many immigrants in the US?



17% said yes;



11% said No;



72% said "I am not understanding the question please.”