The priest and the jackass
Father O'Malley rose from his bed. It was a fine spring day in his new Washington, D.C. parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of air and to see the beautiful day outside.
He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly made a phone call. The conversation went like this:
"Good morning. This is Speaker Pelosi. How might I help you?"
"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St.Brigid's. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn. Would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of the matter?"
Speaker Pelosi, considering herself to be quite a wit, replied, "Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of last rites!"
There was silence on the line for a moment, and Father O'Malley replied: "Aye, that's certainly true, but we are also obliged to first notify the next of kin."
I have a daughter. I tell her, "911 is what you dial after you're raped. 1911 is what you should have before they try."