You can tell these to anyone

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her
mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of
happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life." The child thought
about this for a moment, then said, "So why is the groom wearing black?"
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A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could,
trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, "Dear Lord,
please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!" While
she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her
clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and
started running again. As she ran she once again began to pray, "Dear Lord,
please don't let me be late...But please don't shove me either!"
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Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first
boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a
poem. They give him $50."

The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a
piece of paper, he calls it a song. They give him $100."

The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a
piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect
all the money!"
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An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no
male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service,
she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them
to take me out when I'm dead.
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A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to
arrest your own mother?" He said, "Call for backup."
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A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with
them to Jerusalem. A small child replied: "They couldn't get a baby sitter."

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A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five
and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and
thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat
our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy answered,
"Thou shall not kill."
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At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including
human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how
Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother
noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, "Johnny, what is the
matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I'm going
to have a wife."
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Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong
preaching on the devil. One said to the other, "What do you think about all
this Satan stuff?" The other boy replied, "Well, you know how Santa Claus
turned out. It's probably just your Dad.