Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for Blanche, our hunting dog at Wal-Mart and was standing in line about to check out.
A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. First thing I thought was "where is your sign lady" but I decided to go with it . . . So on impulse, I told her, "No, I didn't have a dog but I'm starting the Purina Weight loss diet again."
I then said, "I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but I did lose 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms."
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is, you load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete . . . so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story to say the least. Totally horrified, the lady asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.
I told her no; I had stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
WAL-MART has asked me not to shop there anymore.
I thought you were out in the street scratching your balls when the car hit you! Still a good joke.