Finally Got An Acting Job
An out-of-work actor gets a call from his agent one day. "Iíve got you a job," says his agent. "Thatís great," says the actor, what is it?" "Well," says his agent, "itís a one-liner" "Thatís okay," replies the actor, "Iíve been out of work for so long Iíll take anything. Whatís the line?" "Hark, I hear the cannons roar" says the agent. "I love it" says the actor "Whenís the audition?" "Wednesday" says the agent.
Wednesday comes and the actor arrives at the audition. He marches on stage and shouts: "Hark, I hear the cannons roar". "Brilliant," says the director, "youíve got the job. Be here 9 oíclock Saturday evening."
The actor is so happy he got the job that he goes on a major bender. He wakes up at 8:30 Saturday evening and runs to the theatre continually repeating his line; "Hark, I hear the cannons roar, hark, I hear the cannons roar, hark, I hear the cannons roar."
He arrives at the stage entrance, out of breath and is stopped by the guard. "Who the hell are you?" asks the guard. "Iím "hark, I hear the cannons roar." "If youíre "hark I hear the cannons roar", youíre late. Get up to makeup right now!"
So he runs up to makeup. "Who the hell are you" asks the makeup girl. "Iím "hark I hear the cannons roar."" "If youíre hark I hear the cannons roar", youíre late. Sit down here." And she applies the makeup. "Now quick, get down to the stage, youíre about to go on."
He dashes down to the stage. "Who the hell are you?" asks the stage manager. "Iím "hark, I hear the cannons roar."" "Youíre "hark, I hear the cannons roar?" Get out there, the curtainís about to go up."
He tears onto the stage. The curtains rise, the house is full. Suddenly there is an almighty bang behind him, and the actor shouts "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?"