another nun joke
three very old nuns from the same convent die the same night. they find one another at all together in front of St. Peter.
St. Peter says to the nuns, "now sisters, since you have lived such a good and holy life, you will of course enter into heaven where you will spend eternity with your spiritual spouse, our Lord Jesus. But before i allow you to enter, i need to ask if you have any other sins to confess.
the three nuns look at one another fearfully. finally the first sister steps forward and says, "dear St. Peter this has been hanging deeply on my heart for some time, but i was always too embarrassed to confess it."
St. Peter reassures her, and the nun confesses to once touching a man's penis. St. Peter laughs and says, "Dear sister, such a small sin to have worrying you. just dip your hand in this holy water and your sin will be forgiven.
The other two nuns look at each other in a panic, and the third nun pushes the second nun out of the way saying "if you think i'm gonna gargle with that after she sticks her a$$ in it, you're crazy!"
"The friendliness and charity of our countrymen can always be relied upon to relieve their fellow citizens in misfortune.... Federal aid in such cases encourages the expectation of paternal care on the part of the Government and weakens the sturdiness of our national character...." -- President Grover Cleveland
Teach a man to fish, but if he'd rather turn around and steal your catch, shoot him.
i remember that joke from WAY back in the day!