LITTLE RALPHY ON MATH (Part 1)
A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds
sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?"
She calls on little Ralphy.
He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but
I like your thinking."
Then little Ralphy says, "I have a question for
There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice
One is delicately licking the sides of the triple
scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking
The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied,
"Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top
and sucked the cone."
To which Little RALPHY replied, "The correct
answer is the one with the wedding ring on," but I
like your thinking."
LITTLE RALPHY ON MATH (Part 2)
Little Ralphy returns from school and says he got
an F in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father?
"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,'" I said "6",
"But that's right!" says his dad.
"Yeah, but then she asked me "How much is 3x2?'"
"What's the f...... difference?" asks the father.
"That's what I said!"
LITTLE RALPHY ON ENGLISH
Little Ralphy goes to school, and the teacher
says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable
words, class. Does anybody have an example of a
RALPHY says "Mas-tur-bate."
Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little Ralphy,
that's a mouthful."
Little RALPHY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're
thinking of a blowjob."
LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR
Little Ralphy was sitting in class one day.
All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom.
All of the sudden he yelled out "Miss Rogers, I gotta
go take a piss!!"
The teacher replied, 'Now, Ralphy, that is NOT the
proper word to use in this situation.
The correct word you want to use is 'urinate. '
Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence
correctly, and I will allow you to go."
Little RALPHY, thinks for a bit, and then says,
"You're an eight, but if
you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR (Part 2)
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the
teacher asked for a show of hands from those who
could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded
with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress
and she looked beautiful in it."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then
called on little Michael.
"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it
turned out beautifully."
She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher
reluctantly called on little RALPHY.
"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my
father that she was pregnant, and he said
'Beautiful, just f...... beautiful!'"
LITTLE RALPHY ON GETTING OLDER
Little Ralphy was sitting on a park bench
munching on one candy bar after another.
After the 6th one a man on the bench across from
him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't
good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth,
Little Ralphy replied, "My grandfather lived to be
107 years old."
The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy
bars at a time?"
Little Ralphy answered, "No, he minded his own