The Real History Of The World

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic
hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during thesummer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of
beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get manto the beer.

These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the
catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
1. Liberals; and
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning
of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can wereinventedyet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them tobe invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's howvillageswere formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at
nightwhile they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is knownas the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live
off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doingthe sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of theLiberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved intowomen. The rest became known as girliemen.

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of
cats,the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept ofDemocratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer thatconservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest,
most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolizedbythe jackass. Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), butmost prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fishbutlike their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard
liberal fare.

Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have
higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers,personalinjury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and grouptherapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rulebecause it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide
for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys,lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, policeofficers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generallyanyonewho works productively.

Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to
work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers
and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeansare more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberalsremained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. Theycrept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business oftryingto get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history: It should be noted that a
Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the abovebeforeforwarding it. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced ofthe absolute truth of this history that it will be forwardedimmediatelyto other true believers and to more liberals just to tic them off.

If you laugh (or smile), you're a Conservative. If you get ticked off,
you're a Liberal.