I got this as an E-mail & though it's worth sharing
Marty, COL, USMC (Retired) visits a young Doctor, recently.
Marty's Medical Appointment
I visited a physician last week. It was a "new" doctor in the practice--a
young lady (at MY age, EVERYBODY is "young"--when I was born, the Dead Sea
wasn't even sick) who was quite enthusiastic. She was obviously a liberal by
her dress and manner. I was thinking of hitting on her, but I don't like the
phrase, "You remind me of my grandfather."
She asked me what was wrong, and I replied, "I have a cut on my leg; and I
think it may be getting infected."
She said, "Before we start, I have to ask you a few questions. Are you
allergic to any medications?"
I replied, "No."
She said, "Do you have any guns in the house?"
I said, "HUH??"
She replied, "Guns. Do you have any guns in the house?"
I asked, "Why?"
She said, "I've got to ask this question. It is required under the
Affordable Care Act."
I asked, "What are you going to do with the data?"
She said, "We compile it, amalgamate it, and submit it to the government."
I said, "Well, I have a Tommy Gun. I let my kid Tommy play with it."
She said, "What's a Tommy Gun? I don't think that is the kind of gun they
are concerned with."
With THAT, I knew I had a live one. I said, "It's similar to a B.A.R., but
lighter and shorter. I have a B.A.R. also."
She said, "A B.A.R.?"
I said, "Yes."
She looked puzzled. Then she brightened up and asked, "Do you have any
I attempted to look puzzled, and said, "I don't know. What is an assault
She said, "That's a gun that is used in wars."
I said, "As a matter of fact, I do. I have a replica of a Revolutionary War
She began to look a bit exasperated. I pretended not to notice and kept up
the appearance of trying to be helpful.
She said, "Do you have anything more modern than that?"
I replied, "Well, yes I do. I have a replica muzzle loader from the Civil
War. Do you know the difference between a musket and a muzzle loader?"
She rather peevishly said, "No, I don't; and I don't want to. What else do
I said, "I have an M-1."
She asked, "What's that?"
I said, "A rifle."
She asked, "What kind?"
I replied, "It is called a Garand."
She rather loudly said, "I don't care if it is a grand rifle or not.
Is it an assault rifle?"
To which I replied, "I don't know. I don't know what an assault rifle is.
You say it's a rifle used in war, yet you say that my musket and muzzle
loader are not assault rifles."
She calmed down (a bit) and asked, "Anything else?"
I said, "I have an MG-.30, and an MG-.50. I'm also part owner of an Apache.
But they are not rifles."
She stated, "Well, then, I'm not interested in them. Anything else."
I replied, "Well, yes. I also have a 12-gauge and a 20-gauge pump.
They are not rifled though."
She said, "I'm not interested in pumps; I'm interested in guns."
I replied, "Well, then, I have a Colt, a Luger, a Glock, a bazooka, a
Parabellum, a Kalishnikov, a Henry, a Uzi, a Llama, and a Beretta--but they
are not rifles."
She then said, "I've had enough of this. I think you're toying with me. Let
me see your leg."
I then said, "Excuse me, but before you look at my leg, I have a few
questions to ask of you."
She replied, "Of course. What are they?"
I said, "I have given you a lot of information about my guns. I am somewhat
concerned about your knowledge and ability to assimilate, make coherent
sense of that information, and report it correctly. Do you know the
difference between a .22 caliber and a .223 caliber? It's a rather
She replied, "Actually, I don't."
I said, "I see. Let me ask some more relevant questions. "How much money do
She said, "That's personal, why do you ask?"
I said, "Well, in pushing the Health Care Act, my president cautioned the
population about doctors that would amputate a leg rather than treat a cut
because they make more money that way. Consequently, I wish to know if you
are financially troubled. What kind of car do you drive? What are your house
payments? How much is your mortgage? How much credit card debt do you have?
Do you have a student loan; if so, how much?"
She said, "I'm not going to answer those questions. You have no right to ask
I then asked, "Do you have training and education in homeopathic techniques?
Do you know the benefits/effects of CoQ10, ginseng, fish oil, Creatine,
BCAA, and other such herbal treatments?" Do you know the difference between
Panax ginseng, American ginseng, and Siberian ginseng?"
She replied, "Well, no."
I then asked, "Well, have you studied it at all?"
She replied rather defensively, "NO; it's all a bunch of hogwash anyway."
I said, "Oh, then you have read the research on it. What have you read?"
She then said, "I don't waste my time reading such things. Why are you
asking me these questions?"
I said, "Well, if I'm going to turn my body over to you for treatment, I
believe it is reasonable for me to know something about your motivation,
training, experience, and competence. Do you know anything about the
practice of holistic medicine?"
She said, rather angrily "No, I don't."
I said, "Oh. O.K. How much experience do you have in practicing medicine?"
She replied, "Well, not very much."
To which I said, "Well, we all have to start somewhere. What medical school
did you go to; what is its rank in terms of other medical schools; where did
you intern; and where did you do your residency?
What is the rank of the hospital where you did your internship and
She rather peevishly said, "All my credentials are posted in the waiting
To which I said, "Really? The rank of your medical school is posted in the
waiting room? Do you have any experience with leg injuries? If so, how
I guess that was too much for her. She rather crossly said, "I think it
would be best if you saw a different doctor." and started to leave the room.
I said, "You know, doctor. You asked me irrelevant questions about my guns,
and I answered them. Whether or not I own guns is really none of your
business and has absolutely nothing to do with any treatment you might
prescribe. On the other hand, I ask you questions quite relevant to my
situation, and you refuse to answer them. Isn't that somewhat backwards?"
She said, "But I HAVE to ask those questions. It's the law."
To which I replied, "Actually, it is NOT the law. Here is what the law
says--taken directly from the Affordable Care Act:"
''(1) WELLNESS AND PREVENTION PROGRAMS.-A wellness and health promotion
activity implemented under subsection (a)(1)(D)may not require the
disclosure or collection of any information relating to-
''(A) the presence or storage of a lawfully-possessed firearm or ammunition
in the residence or on the property of an individual; or
''(B) the lawful use, possession, or storage of a firearm or ammunition by
''(2) LIMITATION ON DATA COLLECTION.-None of the authorities provided to the
Secretary under the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act or an
amendment made by that Act shall be construed to authorize or may be used
for the collection of any information relating to-
''(A) the lawful ownership or possession of a firearm or ammunition;
''(B) the lawful use of a firearm or ammunition; or
''(C) the lawful storage of a firearm or ammunition.
"You may verify this at:
"As you can see, you have broken federal law TWICE--once by asking, and once
by collecting data. It is perfectly legal for me to own guns; it is not
legal for you to ask and/or collect such data. YOU are breaking the law, and
yet YOU are the one that is angry. Not only that, but you erroneously stated
that you must ask such questions, and you did it in a very authoritative and
convincing manner. You gave me false information, which I then acted upon by
answering your questions. On that basis, how can I be expected to trust your
medical judgment? When I attempted to ascertain your medical competency, you
became defensive and hostile."
"There is really no need for me to see another doctor in this practice. I'll
go somewhere else, where my privacy is respected, and I can trust the
information I receive."
Colonel, U. S. Marine Corps, Retired