Beer and the Wheel
Results 1 to 2 of 2
Like Tree1Likes
  • 1 Post By konrue66

Thread: Beer and the Wheel

  1. #1
    Gunco Maniac Tommo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Posts
    6,840
    Feedback Score
    3 (100%)

    Default Beer and the Wheel

    Beer and the Wheel

    The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel.

    Beer required grain, and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

    The wheel was invented to get man to the beer and vice-versa. These two were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

    1. Liberals.

    2. Conservatives.

    Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

    Other men who were less skilled at hunting (called 'vegetarians', which was an early human word meaning 'bad hunter') learned to live off the Conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hairdressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

    Some of these Liberal men "evolved" into women. Others became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy Liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that Conservatives provided.

    Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass for obvious reasons.

    Modern Liberals like special flavored beer, but most prefer white wine spritzers or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish, but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard Liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: many Liberal women have higher testosterone levels than their men.

    Most college professors, social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, film makers in Hollywood, group therapists, and community organizers are Liberals. Liberals meddled in our national pastime and invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

    Conservatives drink real beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are members of the military, big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, most corporate executives, most athletes, airline pilots, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other Conservatives who want to work for a living.

    Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the Liberals remained in Europe when Conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

    Here ends today's lesson in world history. It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to this.

    A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be shared immediately with other true believers just to piss-off more Liberals.
    Last edited by Tommo; 02-12-2019 at 01:26 PM.

  2. #2
    Gunco Apostle konrue66's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Arkansas
    Posts
    1,466
    Feedback Score
    6 (100%)

    Default

    Sounds right to me!!!!!!!!!!!
    Tommo likes this.
    Gunco Member 2241
    NRA Life Member

Search tags for this page

There are currently no search engine referrals.
Click on a term to search our site for related topics.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •