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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
For about the last 12 years I have worked in the corporate world doing mostly information technology. I've seen a few bad acronyms for internal groups.

I got an e-mail today telling me the AINS is back up. Maybe it's me, but when I see this I think Anus.

We had a group here 5 years ago called LSD, but after their big new launch they changed the name. Seems some people had no idea what LSD stood for.

At another company I worked in the GECS group and we got referred to as the Information Geeks because of that.

We have a group that has "Center" in their name. Last year they changed the official spelling to "Centre" to be more global. I think it got changed back after they figured out it was going to cost a lot of money to change everything.


A few years ago our company launched a new Epoch with little detail.

Here is the definition

Epoch

1. A particular period of history, especially one considered remarkable or noteworthy.
2. A notable event that marks the beginning of such a period. See Synonyms at period.
3. A unit of geologic time that is a division of a period.
Astronomy. An instant in time that is arbitrarily selected as a point of reference.

Within a few weeks or months they canceled the Epoch :lol:

Sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction.

We had a great place to work campaign going for about 3 years. During that time they took away overtime pay, pager pay, benefits went up 100% or more, raises were canceled for 2 years, and they laid off or let go 30,000 US workers and hired 55,000 in foreign countries. Almost all company events were done away with too. No picnics or get togethers until recently. We used to have lavish parties until we went public which explains everything!

It's a really sore spot with a lot of people and they still push it some on us, but not like it used to be.

It's a Great place to work, if you want to be in constant fear of losing your job and getting less pay every year! :lol:

I laugh now because I can accept it, but it was not a happy thing a few years ago.
 

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DADDY WARBUCKS
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In my prior life I got a new Prez. He was European. Nice guy but got some zany ideas and no matter how idiotic, he would push them through.

He came up with a marketing idea to showcase our various global auto component businesses as part of a big rainbow. Of course, the experts could not convince him that the raninbow made most US customers think of Jesse Jackson and I think the rainbow symbolized death for Japanese customers. Not good marketing.

Another time he launched a HR campaign of "Jobs Without Boundaries" which was some sort of fuzzy matrix management scheme. At first, I had no idea where he came up with this. A couple days later I had to drive home a different way due to an acccident and saw a large billboard for 5th Third Bank pushing their new concept of "Banks Without Boundaries".
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
The rainbow thing goes the gays as well, not bashing gays at all.

Sometimes people need to think and listen before they jump.

I will always remember to my dieing day how I spent 3 years here at worrk being fed Great place to work! Whikle everything was being cutback and everyone was pissed off all the time. Things are better now, but man were people mad for a while. The Great place to work thing also was usually followed by a manger telling you to be greatful you still had a job as well :lol:
 

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I used to work for the **major retailer's name*** home office as a computer help desk tech. We got a new tech who used to be an "assistant" (PC speak for secretary) but was so bad, when she came back from maternity leave, they had to find something else for her to do. So, of course, they made her a help desk tech. :dunno:
The ***Major retailer*** help desk is only missing the chains at the ankles, the big sweaty guy with the bass drum, and oars to be a prison galley. Job satisfaction was non-existant, clueless managers, and ever increasing minimum workload. Needless to say, morale was low to negative.
So, in comes mrs vacant-eyed bright sunshine. She decides we need a boost. The first part of this: The Smile File. This was a manila folder (decorated with hearts, flowers, pretty rainbows, ect, ect by mrs VEBS) , and the idea was to think up nice things to say about someone, then when they were feeling down, these could be read to cheer us up. Needless to say, Techie people tend to be.....ah......socially inept on the whole. Also very, very sarcastic. "Smile Files" remained empty except for some really smart-ass comments put into mrs VEBS' folder.
Okay. Part two.
This isn't working well, so here comes the next one. (Remember, these were both signed off on by the ***major retailer*** management team.
The next idea was the "Pickle Jar". This was a basic issue empty pickle jar, and some green construction paper "pickles" which were to be used when someone saw you doing something 'great' they would write it down and our manager would take them out and read them at our weekly meetings. Well, the 'Pickle jar' was located at a brightly decorated (wrapped, actually, in that shiny gift paper......bright red with green paper pickles) support pillar near our work area. Emblazoned on the pillar in large letters were the words "Pickle Pole" (I swear I'm not making this up).
The first day after the PP was up, people could be heard snickering as they passed. as time went on members of our team were being asked how our pickles were today. I was asked if all our poles were pickled. The greatest laugh came when, in a freudian slip, our (female) manager told us we needed to meet by the "Prickle Pole".
If you've never worked in an IT environment, you'd be surprised just how creatively juvenile otherwise intelligent IT professionals can be when faced with just this sort of opportunity.
The most common phrase in the pickle jar was "this is a stupid idea", Followed closely by "this is too damn embarrassing" and "People are making fun of us over this". Also appearing were gems like "my pole is not pickled", "my pole is not red and green" and 'my pickle-your jar?"These were duly read during our meetings, followed by an ass-chewing for putting this stuff in there. I swear, it was like Porky's with us trying not to lose our composure. The final straw came when about halfway through a workday, someone noticed our area sign had been changed during the night from "Desktop Services" to "Kinder-Tech Inc."
The pickle pole was gone the next day.
 

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When I was a counselor I gave my clients a ration of Strategic Holistic Integrative Therapy.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
At another place I worked configuring PC's in a config room the size of a football field with converyors and 100's of work areas it was a sweatshop and we often had manager belting out insane orders.

Some were no one is to use the bathroom anymore as it takes too much time. We worked mandatory 12 hour shift with 2 15 min breaks and a half hour lunch. Sorry, if I need to crap before the time is up I will. No one ever really got wrote up for that and that came from a vice president. He also instituted the no talking rule. We were not supposed to talk to each other.

I still have a copy of what some joker put on the bulletin boards after that. It drew out the bathroom policy, it's a hoot and I'll retype it here soon.

The best or worst I ever saw was at that same place and it was a motivational tool.

It was called the wall of shame. Every shift you had to produce so many configs of new PC's. Some easy and you could do 30-50 in a shift others were intensive and you could pull 3-10 depending on how bad they were.

At the start of every shift we assembled by the bulletin board where the wall of shame was and the biggest losers of the day before got to be publically dressed down and ridiculed by the management. If it was really bad they would tell this person he was dragging down the whole shift and sometimes the company. We had one little nervous guy that was ADD and he could not get more than 1-3 easy PC's done in a shift. Everyday this guy would be brough to tears over this stuff.

Some young new college grad chicky thought that plan up and it only lasted a few months. She didn't even work in config, she was some lacky from upstairs who always had pictures of dismembered bodies on her PC. She had and affair with some guy and his wife worked there as well and of course that broke up the marriage as wll as made for a really bad office environement.

Then there was the Vice President angels a bunch of girls who worked in the warehouse who became management. Then we got to see the pics that circulated from the VP's sex part in his jacuzzi and the angels doing their part to get good raises or promotions.

That place was insane. Our best tech was a drug dealer and he woul hop himself up on Coke and work 48 hours straight. He'd turn out 200-300 PC's in those 48 hours and go home. He was the drug supplier for the management that partied and his weird behavior was never questioned.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Okay, I promised this :D

Entex Information Services

To: All Employees

From: Employee Relations

RE: Restroom Policy

In the past, employees were permitted to make trips to the restrooms under informal guidleines. Effective September 30, 1996, the restroom trip policy will be established to provide a more consistent method of accounting the for each employee's rest room time and ensuring equal treatement of all employees.

Under the new policy, a "Rest Room Trip Bank" will be established for each employee. The first day of each month employees be given (20) rest room trip credits. These credit may be accumulated.

Within the next two weeks, the entrance doors to all rest rooms are being equipped with personal identification stations and computer linked voice print recognition devices. Before the end of June each employee must provide two copies of voice prints, one normal and one under stress to the human resources department The voice print recognition stations will be operational but, not restrictive during the month of September. Employees should acquaint themselves with the stations during that preiod.

If the employee's Rest Room Trip Bank balance reaches zero, the doors to the rest room will not unlock for the employee's voice until the first day of the next month, In addition, all rest room stalls are being equipped with timed paper roll retractors. If the stall is occupied for more than three minutes, an alarm sounds, the the roll of paper will retract into the wall, the toilet will flush, and the stall door will open. If the stall remains occupied, your picture will be taken.

The picture will then be posted on the bulletin board. We will immediately terminate anyone whose picture shows up three times. If you have any questions about this policy, please ask your supervisor. They have all received advance instructions.
 

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I had a varation of that on my classroom wall (I was an Ag Shop Teacher as well as other subjects), so i had a classroom and a shop.

I had more than a few kids who took it serious and I had some parents call me.

I told them (depending on weather they had a humorous bone in their body or not) yes its tru and came right from the District Office, which it did, I saw it in the restroom while at a curr meeting and copied it.

They got a REAL kick out of it.

I also taught Drivers ed and had a story I told them came from the feds, about the high beam switch being put back onto the floor cause too many blonds had had wreaks while trying to dim the headlights with their foot in the steering wheel while driving.
 

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SangRun Hunter said:
Okay, I promised this :D
If the employee's Rest Room Trip Bank balance reaches zero, the doors to the rest room will not unlock for the employee's voice until the first day of the next month, In addition, all rest room stalls are being equipped with timed paper roll retractors. If the stall is occupied for more than three minutes, an alarm sounds, the the roll of paper will retract into the wall, the toilet will flush, and the stall door will open. If the stall remains occupied, your picture will be taken.
LMAO!!! that is hilarious--paper retractors ingenius........lol

I used to work in a reman-transmission production plant---my boss tried that bathroom stuff on me. He called my name over the loud speaker cuz I was missing from my workstation for like 5 minutes. He was trying to shame me, but I shamed him--I won't go into detail about the things that were said, but I never had to worry about being paged when I was in the bathroom again.......lol :boxing:
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 · (Edited)
Top 10 reasons why it's great to work in Config.

10. Overtime + Great Pay = so much cash you can't begin to spend it all.

9. Free laptops for everybody

8. Thong Bikini day once a year (sometime in early winter, so the techs can show of their tan lines).

7. No union dues to mess with.

6. On request, the gaurds will be happy to give any tech a full body cavity search.

5. Only work one hour a week, the rest of the time just stand around telling jokes.

4. Gives your meaningless life purpose.

3. Work over 100 hours per week and get your mail sent here for free.

2. Free Prosaic for everybody on 4th shift

1. State gives credit to reduce time spent in prisons due to over crowding.


There is some historic things here that the reader will not know.

Tan lines, we never saw the outside in anyway except at break if you were day shift.

New Laptops go stolen all the time

Guards had to check your bags and any containers you might have for small parts.

4Th shift was Thursday night thru Sunday morning. No one wanted that shift! All the freaks and weirdos worked it. There were some seriously deranged serial murderer types on that shift.

There was a lot of overtime. I remember working all Christmass week and right up to New years day. They would give you double time if you worked, but they would tell you if you don't work it you should consider yourself fired. I worked on New Years eve and I remember everyone pausing for a few second to yell happy new year and then it was back to work because they were cooking the books to make it like anything we had in the system that day was shipped before midnight. We used to ship most of our inventory to Pacific Bell and a few other big customers in the last week of the year. Then it would all get returned written off and resold. :lol:

They tried to go public in the 4th year as Entex. They had $81 million on the books that could not be accounted for and within 2-3 years the house of cards came down and the company was sold. It was rated as the number 1 reseller in the world then it went to nothing in less than 3 years.
 
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