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Three old rascals were discussing their ailments and one said, "I wish I could have a good bowell movement, but I just sit and grunt and it either comes out like a strip of caulking or a cannonball with damp powder or like Grandma's stew."

The second one says, "Well, if I could just urinate decently, I would be happy, instead of the dribbling, dripping, taking 5 minutes process I now have to go through."

The third oldster said, "Well, guys, every morning at 6:30 I have a bowell movement to make an elephant jealous and it is firm and stacks well and is no problem at all, and at 6:45 in the morning I take a leak that is the envy of a russian bull, plenty of pressure and volume and it only lasts for about 30 seconds."

His two friends commented that they wished they were so lucky, and the third guy said, "Yeah, now if I could just wake up before 7:00 . . . ."
 
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