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DADDY WARBUCKS
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Email to my wife from a friend who recently lost her 26 year old son Greg to suicide. I keep getting reminders that my troubles are nothing.


Hi

I haven?t ignored you, but this has been a busy week for some reason. I was out when both of you called. Monday I don?t remember other than PT in the morning.

Tuesday I had lunch with a friend from Blanchester who has two daughters at the Coast Guard Academy, a massage for my shoulder and back, and I tried to get started on Greg?s room. Boy was that a disaster. By the time Darvin got here I had spent about 1 ? hours trying to figure out how to go through his stuff. I ended up by putting most of it in drawers to deal with another time. The bed is still full of stuff as is the rest of the room. I want to clear it out by Christmas if I can. Megan is going to come help me after exams.

Wednesday I tried to get some errands done, work on Greg?s room and my loft area, and do Ian?s Christmas shopping. We are hoping to go down there soon, depending on when George has jury duty (wow, just what we needed right now).

Today I have Willis heating doing our winter clean-up and tune-up on our heating system, Zicka?s guys are here doing some of our 1 year work, and the ladies are here cleaning. When everyone leaves I am going to try to do a bit more Christmas shopping ? especially Jessica?s so that I can take it to Atlanta when we go.

I?ve started trying to wear make-up again, but it is a waste of time. By the time it sets, it has washed down my face.

On a positive note, I have started decorating ? Ryan sort of pushed me into it. He put up the tree in the family room and a small one down by the pool table and the garlands on the stairs. He left the ornaments to me. George put up swags by the front door. Since Ryan wants decorations, Greg loved them and would expect me to continue, and the little guys are probably going to be here Christmas week (if Todd can get the OK to work out of Cincinnati that week), it is time for me to dig in and decorate. Baking is another thing ? don?t know if I?ll do any this year. There is always Servatti?s!

Jessica is still having a tough time. I wish she could be here with us. She did start with a counselor yesterday. Part of our grief is that she won?t be our ?daughter? now. I guess we?ll just have to adopt her for as long as she wants to be part of our lives. They would have been beautiful together and would have had beautiful children.

God, I can?t believe he is gone. I look at pictures of him and mentally try to give them some form so that I can touch him and hug him. I want to hear his voice, his laughter, and see his gorgeous smile again. I will never understand why this had to happen to him. Why could God have not made someone who has done horrible things to people have this bi-polar stuff? Why Greg? I know he was a man, but he was still my baby and I just can?t let go. I hug his blanket because it smells like him and just take deep breaths and try to take him in. You probably don?t understand that, but I just need to do it.

I have never known such pain; I didn?t even know it was possible to hurt so intensely. I don?t think I?ll ever be able to stop crying...to smile again?to be alone without my thoughts running in directions I don?t want them to go because of the depth of pain. There is a huge hole in our family circle and it can never be mended. I dread bedtime for fear I won?t be able to fall asleep before the questions overrun my thoughts, before the vision of him at that moment that my mind has created blur or even obliterate the memory of happier times, before the pain chokes me. I no longer panic at being alone for even the briefest time for the same reasons, but it is difficult just the same. Showers are torture to me ? because besides bathing, what else can you do but reflect.

I try to believe it when people say ?you?ll see him again?, ?everything happens for a reason?, ?it is in God?s plan?, ?God has a higher purpose for him?; all I know is that he isn?t here with us and will never be again.

Ryan will be back home on December 15th and of course Megan will basically move in while he is here. Having the 2 of them here definitely helps and then if Todd can work things out so they can be here, Tyler and Taylor really light up our days.

I worry even more than I ever did that something might happen to Todd and Ryan. That?s unfair to them but I can?t go through this again. I pray that your children will bury you, not the other way around.

Oops, I?ve cried on your shoulders long enough. Time to get moving and get something accomplished. I think I?ll get out some of my snowmen. At least they make the place look cheery.

Talk to you later. Love you both.

M
 

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Friend of MCMXI
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8,717 Posts
Sometimes in this fast paced world we live in, we get caught up in frivolous things. We should be Thankful for the things we have instead of complaining about the things we don't. Tell your wife's friend she will be in our prayers for God to ease her pain.
 

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Code name: Felix
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6,361 Posts
Hopefully your wife doesn't really have a friend like that and this is something you pulled off the Net in your latest "Cut and Paste" frenzy.

We have all known families like that, where priorities seem to have taken a back stage position and they are more concerned about how they are perceived rather than what they really are. Pretty dinsfuctional I would say.
 

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DADDY WARBUCKS
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19,433 Posts
Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Aviator, I am sad to report this is a true one.

Boy Scout's honor.
 

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I often wonder why I have survived so many brushes with eternity and then see young folks die.
 

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Code name: Felix
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6,361 Posts
Sorry to hear that.

It is very difficult to lose a child and different people will react diferently to such a tragedy, some will create all kinds of "artificial problems" such as this lady so as not to think about the real issue.
 
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